Hard Feelings
by NaruSasuNaruLover
Summary: After five years away he knew that she'd be mad at him, how could she not with all that had happened? When he'd left she had been sixteen and like his little sister. Now she was a woman and he certainly could not look at her like a sister anymore. Modern day AU.


**I know I have other non Star Wars things I should be writing, but this idea wouldn't leave me alone. This is my first fan fiction with these characters so not sure how good this will turn out.**

 **Hard Feelings**

It had been five years since she had last seen the man standing in front of her, Ben Solo. After everything that had happened over the years, the fact that he had stayed away is what infuriated her the most. All she could do was glare at him as he discussed the last five years with his mother, who just seemed happy that he was still alive. Rey studied him, she knew he could feel her staring, but she didn't care. She realized he hadn't looked much different than he did five years ago. He still had his somewhat long black curly hair, the dark eyes that seemed to pierce into her soul, and the long scar down his cheek he got from fighting with the wrong guy when he was just a scrawny little kid. But he was no longer a scrawny little kid by any means; he hadn't been for a long time.

She just continued to glare at him, trying to kill him with just a look. She didn't know how bad her brown eyes glaring into his soul made him feel. Ben knew that he had messed up not coming back home when his father died five years ago. Instead he cut off all contact with her and his mother. So there he was in his mother's kitchen getting a stern talking to about how he had left them and how worried she had been. Not they, she. Which hurt worse than the glare he was receiving from the woman watching them from a distance.

He was a 6'2" thirty-one-year-old trained assassin, yet somehow his 5'1" mother scared him more than anyone he'd met in combat, with Rey following as a close second. So he just stood there in his mother's kitchen, letting her lecture him on the importance of family. "I'm sorry," he finally cut her off, knowing that's what she wanted to hear more than anything else.

"Damn right you are," his mother, Leia, told him. They didn't talk about his father, Han, or his job. Those topics were off limits, as Leia didn't like to talk about them. She knew that he had worked for Snoke as one of his lead assassins, a prodigy, but she also knew that his skill set now made him an asset to the police. She knew that he had been part of the team to take down the man who she felt corrupted her son years ago; his cooperation was the only reason her son wasn't in jail. It had been what he and his father had been arguing about the night Han had died. She also knew that he had blamed himself for his father's death enough for the both of them and after losing Han she couldn't handle losing him as well. Leia looked in Rey's direction, "Go talk to her, I'm not the only one you need to be apologizing to." He just nodded before walking over to the younger woman.

Rey had grown up with him, for years she had been like a little sister to him. His parents took her in as a child when her parents abandoned her. A child that liked to try to get in fights with him, thinking she could take on a man ten years older than her. She was no longer the child she had been last time he saw her; she was a grown woman. "Are you going to ignore me forever?" he asked, leaning against the counter near the doorway she had been standing in.

"Perhaps," she continued to glare at him, not knowing, or caring, how much it hurt him for her to be so angry. When she turned to walk away he grabbed her arm, stopping her from leaving. "Let go of me," she demanded, pulling her arm from his grip.

"I just," he paused for a moment, as if he didn't know what he wanted to say. "I just want to apologize," he took a deep breath, trying to find the words to say. "I'm sorry," he knew it wasn't enough, but was all he could say in that moment.

"A little late for that," she said before swiftly turning to leave. If she were honest she knew that she should hear him out. She should give him a chance to explain. In fact, she should demand an explanation for all his actions. Why did he leave for so long? Why did he cut off all contact? Why did he even bother coming back at all? These were all questions she wanted answers to, but she wasn't going to ask them that night. She was going to wait, let him see how it feels to be ignored.

It took five months and a lot of convincing from Leia for Rey to finally talk to him. She should have called, but instead she decided to show up unannounced at his front door. When he opened the door she immediately regretted her decision. There he was dripping wet, she was guessing from a shower. He had loose sweat pants on, which she guessing he had just thrown on to answer the door. They hung low on his hips, clearly a size too big, making it evident that he was not wearing any underwear. She looked at his bare chest, water droplets from his hair dripping and rolling down his body. She knew he was well built, he had to be for his line of work, but she hadn't seen him shirtless in a long time, not since he had started working out.

He looked surprised to see her at his doorstep, especially at nine o'clock at night. There was an awkward silence, as they both ignored the fact that she had been checking him out. "Hey," he broke the silence, "what are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?" she asked. He signaled for her to come in. While the house was clean, it was obvious that there was no woman's touch. It wasn't any of her business if he was dating anyone, but a part of her felt a little happy that he appeared to be single. "Sorry if I interrupted your shower," she said awkwardly, adverting her eyes from his body.

"It's fine, I was getting out anyway," he told her, suddenly feeling as if he should have grabbed a shirt. "Let me grab a shirt and we can talk about why you're here," he said, before making his way to his room.

She hated to admit that she was disappointed he was putting on a shirt. He was supposed to be like her brother, but no one should look at their brother the way she was looking at him. When he emerged from his room, she decided the form-fitting shirt he had grabbed really wasn't much better, but at least she could concentrate.

"So, what are you doing here?" he asked. It wasn't an angry question; more confused as the last time they spoke she wanted nothing to do with him. It also felt a little awkward with the way she had been looking at him. He wasn't dumb, he knew that was in shape and women tended to like his body, but he didn't expect it from Rey.

It was hard to admit when she was wrong, but she had been wrong to not let him explain. "Because we should have talked when you got back," she said, not wanting to take the blame for not talking.

"That was your choice, not mine," he reminded her. There was a short silence between them as she just looked at him, they both knew that she wasn't going to admit fault. "I just wanted to say sorry, I'm not sure there's really much else I can say," he finally said.

"Not much to say?" she was angry. "How can you say that? You can start by saying where you have been all of these years. Why did you stay away when it was clear we needed you here? When Han died you just came to the funeral and after that you disappeared as if we never even existed." She could tell that he was getting angry. The look used to intimidate her, but now she was finding it sexy. It almost made her want to antagonize him more, just to get him riled up.

"You think it was easy for me to walk away from you guys?" he asked. He was trying to calm himself down so he didn't yell at her, no matter how badly he wanted to in that moment. "I know that you blame me for my father's death. Hell I blame me for his death. If we hadn't been arguing over some stupid job and how I chose to go into the private sector rather than joining the fucking police force then he might still be alive. He would have been paying attention and that car crash wouldn't have happened. So it's a little hard to look at you and not see how much you hate me," he had lost it, he was no longer calm and had been yelling at her. The woman was infuriating.

"I hated you for leaving, not for what happened. Yeah I blamed you as a teenager, but I was sixteen when it happened. You could have called or visited, at least see how we were doing. Instead you left like a coward," she was angry too in that moment, yelling back at him. "This was a bad idea, I shouldn't have come here," she said, getting up ready to storm out.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm down again. "Wait," he said, stopping her in her tracks. "I don't want to fight with you," she could tell he was sincere, but she was still upset. "I know I should have come back, but I couldn't. Perhaps you're just too young to understand that."

"Too young? I'm a grown ass woman, or have you not noticed?" she asked, a little hurt that he may still see her as the child he had left years ago. "I'm graduating college soon," she said, as if that meant anything. "I have a job and my own apartment," she continued, as if she were trying to prove that she'd grown up since he'd last seen her. She wasn't the teenager he had known years ago.

"Trust me, I've noticed," he told her. By the blush on her face he realized that he probably phrased it the wrong way. "That came out wrong," he said, attempting to back track, but she made him feel worse when he saw the sadness on her face. "What I'm trying to say is that I know you're not a kid anymore," he told her.

"I should probably go," she said and he just nodded. For some reason she couldn't help but pull him into a hug, surprising him. He wrapped his arms around her, but no words were spoken. It was understood that she was working on forgiving him. When she pulled away from him she just smiled. Even after all that was said that night she still wanted him back in her life.

"I'll see you around," he said as she walked out his door. He ran his hand through his hair; thankful she had left. He let out a frustrated sigh as he plopped onto his couch. She was supposed to be like a little sister to him, but she definitely wasn't anymore. He looked at her and he saw the beautiful woman she had become; she wasn't the teenager he had left. "Fuck," he said as he closed his eyes, banishing any thoughts of her. They may have known each other but he knew nothing about her anymore.

She got home and let out a frustrated yell. She wasn't supposed to want to forgive him, much less look at him the way she did that night. She wasn't even sure why she hugged him but a part of her couldn't help but want to forgive him. Her roommate, Finn, ran out of his room to see what was wrong. "Everything okay?" he asked. She hadn't realized she had been so loud. "What happened?" he asked, not sure if he wanted to move any closer.

"I honestly don't know," she said. They had fought, but she hugged him and understood that he had blamed himself all of these years. Part of her wanted to make him feel better but the other part of her wanted to punch him in the face. She wasn't sure how to feel or what to think at that point. The thing that scared her the most was the part of her that found him highly attractive. He had aged well, but she supposed with his genes it was to be expected. "Right now I wish he had never come back, it would make everything so much easier. I could hate him when he wasn't here, now I just see how guilty he feels and it makes him hard to hate."

Finn wasn't sure what to say, he wasn't experienced with these kinds of emotions. He had come from a country where people were told not to think or feel. He wasn't able to do so and took refugee in America, where he met Rey. "I wish I could help," he said, still standing a few feet away from her in case she got angry again.

"I really should have text him before I went over. It might have made it so much easier to be mad at him if he didn't answer the door shirtless and dripping wet," she admitted. She hadn't meant to say it, but it just came out. She sat on the couch, staring blankly at the wall, not sure what to think.

"You're attracted to him?" Finn asked cautiously. She glared at him but didn't answer. "That's what it sounds like," he said as he moved to sit next to her. "At least just physically," he added.

"Stupid muscles, why couldn't he just get fat?" she huffed and he laughed. "It's not funny, I can't actually find him attractive. The man is like a brother to me," she told him, realizing he was indeed a man now. He still had a temper, but he seemed to be working on it since he was able to calm himself down during their fights. When he was younger he may have thrown something when he was angry. He wouldn't have taken a deep breath to calm down or even say sorry. She wouldn't let herself believe that there could be an emotional connection, just a physical attraction.

Breakfast with Leia and Ben had somehow become a Sunday morning routine. Leia had practically demanded it, mainly to get her son back in her life but also to attempt to fix the broken relationship between him and Rey. It had been a few months since the confrontation at Ben's apartment, which neither of them had talked about since, especially not to Leia.

"So Rey, how are your classes going?" Leia asked as she tried to determine what to make for breakfast that morning.

"Fine, keeping up the 4.0 grade point average," she told her, not sure why she felt the need to impress them, or more so Ben. "I'll graduate this spring," she added, though it was already common knowledge.

"What are you studying?" Ben asked, he wanted to fix the relationship, but the younger woman still seemed to be fighting it.

"Education, I want to be a teacher," she told him. He wasn't surprised; she had always wanted to help people. The fact that she actually answered was what surprised him, as she seemed to be avoiding any conversation. He thought they had at least started to make up that night, but he must have been wrong. "I want to teach secondary education," she added, making Leia smile at the fact that she seemed to be encouraging the conversation to continue.

"You don't want to work in retail your entire life?" he smirked.

"As fun as it is to deal with jerks like you all day I think I'll pass," she said, though there appeared to be no malice, just a tease behind her words. He just chuckled, which made her smile. She had missed their banter. When she was younger it felt like two siblings teasing each other, but it didn't feel that way anymore and that scared her. She wanted to ask about his job, but that topic was still off limits. Even though he worked for the police, his mother didn't want to hear how he was putting his life on the line when he went to work.

Before the conversation could continue his phone rang, causing him to release a disappointed sigh as he looked at the caller ID. "I have to take this," he said as he walked out the room. That meant work, which neither one of them wanted him to have to go to on his day off because that meant something truly bad was happening. "I have to go, I'm sorry," he told the women, with no explanation as he hurried out the door.

Once he was gone his mother turned on the news, knowing whatever had happened would be covered. The woman on the news was discussing a hostage situation. Rey broke the silence, "It's not like he's going to be going into the building." She was trying to reassure the older woman, knowing that Ben was a sniper that they probably used, hoping they could get a clean shot on the man holding the hostages if they could not talk him down.

Leia always seemed to think the worst. Her mind would play out that there might be other people involved, people with guns to take out the cops trying to protect the hostages. People that could take out her son only months after he finally returned into her life. She turned off the television; unable to watch the events unfold. She had always worried about her son while he was away, knowing he was working with Snoke. The man was dangerous and she worried everyday that he might be killed in whatever form of combat the man had put him through. She knew that he had done a lot of bad things during his time away, but she forced herself to believe that was Kylo Ren, not her son. Kylo Ren was his code name back before he reformed and started working for the police. "I wish I could find comfort in that," she told Rey, losing her appetite.

"Me too," she said. Leia knew that the woman wasn't as mad at Ben as she claimed because she looked just as worried as her every time he had to leave for work.

"You can't live in the past," Leia told her. "Any day could be our last. Every time he goes to work he's possibly going into the line of fire, the first thing they're going to try to take out is the sniper that's trying to take them out." Rey knew she was right. Ben's job was dangerous and they could get a call any day saying he was gone. Perhaps that was what scared her the most. She could get close to him again for it all to fall apart because some crazy person decided it was his last day.

"One of his first days back we had a fight," she admitted. "I was so mad at him for everything that had happened, but," she trailed off, not sure how much she should say to his mother. After all telling an overprotective mother that she found her son attractive probably wouldn't be the best idea. She definitely couldn't tell her that at one point she had wanted to just pull him close and take all of her anger out on him by fucking him senseless, especially since he had just admitted that to herself.

"But what?" Leia asked. She had seen the tension between the two. She hadn't been sure if it were anger or attraction. It made her think about how much he had tried to resist her feelings for Han when they were younger. Although there was quite the age gap between them Rey was mature for her age and didn't seem to have time for boys that just wanted to party.

"Nothing," she said, looking away from Leia. She tried to drop the subject but by looking at the older woman she knew that she wouldn't let her. "Fine, I don't know what I feel for him. That's why I've tried to push him away," she admitted. "I was perfectly content hating him but then he started apologizing and blaming himself and I just found myself feeling bad for him. It wasn't pity. I could never pity him. I just couldn't be mad anymore," she said. She left out the part that she wasn't able to get the image of his bare chest out of her mind ever since that night. She didn't admit to the dreams she had been having, in which their relationship was far from platonic.

"Maybe you should talk to him about it," she suggested. Rey was surprised that Leia didn't interrogate her for more information. When he was younger and brought girls home they had received a full interrogation, as if she felt no girl would be good enough for her son. However, Leia had seen her as a daughter, she knew everything about her. It made her smile at the thought of Rey and her son being together.

Much to Rey's relief, Ben had come back from that day unharmed. She had started suggesting they get lunch during her lunch break on his days off. It was a slow start, where neither of them knew what to say. Over time they began their old banter, teasing each other over stupid things. One day they had run into her attractive friend, Poe. She liked the jealous look she saw in Ben's eyes as they talked. It made her feel good that the man might be interested; but she couldn't be sure if it was an over protective brother anger or if he was jealous of the attention she was directing towards Poe. "I'll see you around," Rey said as Poe walked away.

"So, boyfriend?" Ben asked, trying to mask his jealousy, but failing horribly.

"No," Rey laughed, "not even close. Poe's just a friend. I've never been interested in him, not my type." She took a drink of her water, looking at him with a small smirk as she put the cup back on the table. It was that point that she decided it was definitely jealousy. "You have a girlfriend? I haven't seen one come around so I'm guessing no," she asked, knowing she might be treading dangerous water. She was playing with fire and enjoying every moment of it.

"No," he said, restraining himself from adding that it would be a bad idea for him to go for the woman he wanted. He no longer denied that he was attracted to Rey, but he had convinced himself that she didn't feel the same. She was ten years younger than him and probably wanted a man her age, not a thirty-one year old with enough baggage for the both of them. He broke eye contact first, knowing if he looked at her any longer he may give in to his urges and tell her everything.

"Is there someone you like?" she asked. "There's plenty of women in town, I would think at least one has caught your eye," she was pushing it and she knew it.

"Maybe," he said, which she knew was a yes. "But I'm sure you don't want to talk about my love life," he tried to change the topic.

"Don't you mean that _you_ don't want to talk about your love life?" she asked, leaning back in her chair. "I wouldn't have asked if I weren't curious. Plus you started the topic by asking about Poe," she couldn't keep the smirk off her face as she watched how uncomfortable he had become.

"You're right, I don't want to talk about my love life," he said, absentmindedly biting his bottom lip. She found the action incredibly sexy. It made her want to pull him across the table into a heated kiss. "So let's talk about something else," he added, hoping she'd drop the subject.

"Fine," she gave in, deciding she'd push it later. Preferably when they were alone in his apartment, even if he didn't know that yet.

It was a week later that she decided she couldn't take it anymore. It was raining but she didn't care. She went out into the cold because this needed to end. She needed to confront him. She needed to know if it was just one-sided and his feelings were just in her imagination. That was how she ended up on his doorstep, almost praying that he'd answer shirtless once again.

Much to her disappointment he was fully clothed when he opened the door. "You just love to come over unannounced," he observed before signaling for her to come in. She was relieved to see that he didn't have anyone over. The thought didn't even cross her mind that he might be with someone. "It's pouring out, what was so important that it couldn't wait?" he asked, worried that something had happened.

She had wished that she wasn't so impulsive; then she wouldn't be freezing and soaking wet. She took off her raincoat, seeing the confused look Ben had been giving her as she hung it on his rack. "Are you going to offer me something to warm me up?" she asked. Rey almost wished that he could read her mind and would warm her up with his body. Instead he grabbed a blanket from his closet and put it over her shoulders.

"So, do you want to explain what's going on?" he asked. He was standing close, not moving from his position in front of her after he wrapped the blanket around her. "I'm assuming it's something important for you to drive all the way over here at ten o'clock."

She hadn't even realized how late it had been, "Sorry." He just continued to look at her, expecting an answer. She wasn't even sure how to say what she wanted, so she didn't. Instead she pulled him into a kiss. At first he seemed to freeze and she worried she had made a mistake, and then she felt him pull her closer and deepen the kiss and she knew it was not a mistake.

As much as he wanted it, he felt it wasn't a good idea. "This isn't a good idea," he said as he pulled away from the kiss. He wasn't sure if she didn't hear him or if she didn't care, but she had moved to kiss his neck and run her hands up his shirt.

"Really?" she asked as she pulled away from him, the blanket falling off her shoulders. "Because you're body seems to think otherwise," she smirked as she backed him up until she was able to push him onto his couch. She climbed on top of him, grinding against him she could feel that his body wanted her, that he wanted her. "Why is this not a good idea?" she asked as she continued to move against him, causing him to moan.

"I'm not good enough for you," he told her, though his resolve was quickly dwindling. He ran his large hands down her body before moving back up to cup her breast.

"I think I get to decide what is good for me," she said, removing his hands from her breast and pinning them to the couch instead. He gave her a lustful look as she stopped her movements. "Do you like being dominated," she smirked, knowing he could move his hands if he wanted to. He could pin her down and take control, but he didn't seem to want to. She didn't wait for an answer, she just kissed, to which he immediately responded.

"I thought you wanted to stop," she teased, climbing off of him. He was furious for a moment that she thought she could turn him on and just leave but then he realized that she was grinning and talking towards his room. She was removing clothing as she went, enticing him to follow.  
"You're rather persuasive," he said, getting up and following her. They both knew that he was never going to resist her, he was giving her an out because he truly felt that she was too good for him after everything he'd done. But she didn't want an out; she thought she made that perfectly clear.

"You're wearing too much clothing," she told him as he caught up to her. Rey lifted his shirt up and over his head before working on his loose pants. She grinned when she found that he was once again not wearing any underwear. "So do you ever wear underwear?" she asked as she grasped his member.

He groaned, wondering why she was still talking. "Not at home," he told her, stopping her movements and practically throwing her onto the bed. His body was soon on hers as she felt his large member against her, teasing her. "Do you want me to take control? Because I'm more than happy to take control," he whispered in her ear as he got on top of her. Her heart raced with excitement as he slowly started to tease her, making her go insane.

Rey woke up to the sun peering into the window. Her eyes were closed and she was praying it wasn't just another dream, it felt too real for it to be just a dream. She rolled to her side and could feel him next to her, which made her smile. It was not a dream. There he was in all his naked glory, sleeping. He looked so innocent in that moment, not like the man that had fucked her the night before.

"You're staring at me," she was startled by his voice. "It's kind of weird," he added, making her smile. He opened his eyes and looked at her, making her heart race. She moved a dark curl out of his face before kissing him. The kiss was soft and chaste, nothing like the night before. "I suppose I could get used to this," he said with a smile.

"Me too," she smiled back before curling up in his arms, deciding it wasn't time to get up yet.

 **The End.**

 **If I had more time I probably would have made this a multi-chapter but I don't so hopefully it's not too rushed.**


End file.
